Cool Jerk Mission Statement

1.) Cool Jerk shall be to embracing junk culture as Fred Basset is to sentient basset hounds - as Crock is to the French Foreign Legion (btw, has the French Foreign Legion ever been funny?) - as Family Circus is to Christian Zombie Vampires.

2.) Cool Jerk shall poke fun at those whom the media have labeled as Gen-Xers, Slackers or whatever the overused trendy term is this week. Such is the creator's desire.

3.) Cool Jerk shall have a new strip online every freaking Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Sometimes Thursdays. Rarely Fridays or Mondays... but never on the weekend.

4.) In the event there is no new strip to read, visitors to www.cooljerk.com may go to the archive page, where there shall be no less than one (1) new strip to read. If this is too much work for you, tough noog-noogs.

5.) All email sent to me will be read and answered by one of my many faceless underlings. Joke.

6.) Cool Jerk shall freely depict muscular men and curvy females as it suits the creator.

7.) The opinions expressed in Cool Jerk shall be those of the creator, dammit.

8.) Cool Jerk will try very hard to be funny. The creator is always open to ideas from visitors. Look at Scott Adams - he hasn't written a fresh Dilbert since Vanilla Ice was bustin' rhymes.

9.) Celebrities and public figures depicted in Cool Jerk are impersonated and done so without their consent. Like I'd ask for permission anyway...

10.) The creator will entertain proposals from animation producers. My terms: Adam Sandler as Armpit, Jenny McCarthy as Puppy and the soundtrack by Fuzzbox. Period. If these terms can't be met, then there is nothing else to discuss.